You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
