I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Fuck appropriateness.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
