it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
