I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
