I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my being single is dangerous.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
