i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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