I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
