It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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