So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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