I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my shit smells like andre
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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