The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
