How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
