It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
