I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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