you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
