Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
