I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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