i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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