he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
