I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I will be naked everywhere
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
