I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
