I'm going to rape someone's good day.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
