id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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