It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
