why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
