Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
