you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
