I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is Oprah even human
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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