if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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