you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
