beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
