Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
