im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
