I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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