I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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