well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
