I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
