just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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