the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
