She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
soo... how was my night?
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