Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
