My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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