saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So squirting runs in the family.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
