even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
