He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
