you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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