I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
