Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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