is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
