i think my mom watched the whole time
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
